Did That Just?
by Ackamarackus
Summary: Will did something to anger Tessa, and she's got a plan for revenge... Too bad random people (along with her herself) keep stopping her. WARNING: SERIOUS CRACKFIC! But it's still great. Happy birthday, Shauney!


**Happy Birthday, Shuaney! Life finally saw fit to give me time enough to write you this birthday fic. You totally deserve more though...**

 **Yeah... the plot bunnies attacked. I'm now a were-rabbit.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm not that special.**

 **...**

Tessa Gray was angry. Why was she angry? That was a story for a different day, not to mention it was beside the point. Will Herondale was going to regret the day he... (The Authoress didn't actually come up with a heinous crime, so insert your own horrible woe there and pretend she wrote it.) Tessa would show him what it meant to cross her. Yes... This would all be a terrible tale of torture for later. Now, she needed to come up with an awful torture.

 _..._

 _Er... Some time later..._

Crazy, and absolutely maniacal laughter filled the room, quickly followed by a scream of terror. Will screamed again.

"Oh! By the angel, will you bloody shut up! You are so annoying. I am trying to conduct the traumatic torture scene issued by that batty 'authoress' lady. And you're not helping!" Tessa smacked Will on the back of the head in hopes that it would be a proper method of getting him to shut up. It didn't work.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG... TOO BEAUTIFUL... TOO... ME TO DIE!"

Tessa stared incredulously at the suddenly stupid boy. "I haven't even done anything yet. Idiot."

"Oh... Well, carry on then."

Suddenly Tessa turned and stared at something beyond the wall, something Will couldn't see. "Do I really have to do this? It's stupid. I have better things to do with my time." She put her hands on her hips in a classical T _his-is-so-incredibly-stupid-and-there-is-absolutely-no-way-I-am-gonna-do-this_ manner. "Besides, We're so out of character. Do you _know_ how to write in character?"

The Authoress (who, this should've been made obvious by the title, fancied herself some sort of all knowing, all creating/writing goddess) gasped, and brought her hand to her heart in an over dramatic way.

"Tessa, _dear_ , I would've thought you would have known... I don't _need_ to write in character. I _exude_ character. I _am_ the very essence of charisma that created you. And _come on_ darling, You just broke the fourth wall! That's just not done... Tsk tsk."

Tessa laughed. "Please. Gavomiting... "

Will, who had remained silent this whole time because The Authoress deemed it necessary for him to be stupid, and because he wasn't capable of breaking the fourth wall... So he was pretty much creeped out by all the talking to nothing and that nothing responding- the poor boy, he's going insane- finally broke out with a look of confusion on his face, "Gavomiting?"

Tessa rolled her eyes. "Clueless... It clearly means gagging and vomiting at the same time because a certain idea repulses you that much. Geez." She rolled her eyes again and gave him a _you're-so-not-with-the-times_ look.

"Anyway..." The Authoress cleared her throat with a very annoyed look. "Can we, you know, get back to the story now?" But she was ignored by the two Main Characters of the story (they were chatting amiably and playing some type of card game.) The Authoress stomped her foot, creating an earthquake somewhere in the Downworld. Or so she hoped, because that would be awesomely dramatic.

The door banged open and five people walked in; Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Lily Potter, and Lord Voldemort himself. (That's right. Not Peter Pettigrew. Because no one likes him. The little _rat_.)

By this time, The Authoress was having an aneurysm. She was stomping around the room red-faced, with smoke pouring out of her nostrils. "THIS IS NOT HOW THIS FICLET IS SUPPOSED TO GO! Tessa, you're supposed to show Will pictures of ducks. Will, you're supposed to scream, then dramatically get over your fear of ducks, allowing Tessa to, even more dramatically, see how brave and incredible you are on the inside, and fall in love with you, creating a mushy, gushy romance scene that would eventually lead into a beautiful lifetime of marriage and two children."

Remus Lupin, who really had no idea why he was here or what was going on, raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't even make sense." The rest of the group agreed with him. Well, except for Voldemort, who was in the corner _Avada Kedavra_ ing random junk that was mysteriously- and purposefully- placed there to keep him entertained. No one wants a bored Dark Lord. (The Authoress would like to comment that that rhymed, and she didn't even do that on purpose.)

The door quietly swung open to reveal a wide- eyed Jem Carstairs, who, upon seeing the scene just as quietly, randomly, and quickly closed the door and ran off again, where he would later ponder on whether or not he was going insane.

You-Know-Who had just started a conversation on the oddities of Muggle/Mundane traditions to which everyone (but Tessa Gray and Lily Evans, who had grown up in that lifestyle and found Shadowhunter/Wizarding customs weird) was actively participating in.

When Clary Fray, Jace Herondale, Simon Lewis, Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson, Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley burst through the door The Authoress gave up, curled in a fetal position, cried, and decided this was a good place to end the story.

...

 **Like it? Love it? Hate it? Wanna throw rotten tomatoes at me? Go ahead and do it... Through a review. EXSPRESS YOURSElF... Through a review. You see'in a theme here? Cause I do... Review... And tell me what that pattern is. I am calling this the lol campaign. If you liked it, and though it was funny, leave just a short lol. If you hated it and want to find me and rip out my soul, leave a boo. Thanks doll... hehe... Just leave a review before I go entirely mad. Tootles!**


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